A Mom's Perspective: Allergies, the Fear Factor

My 9 year old son is at a birthday party all day today.  A swimming birthday party.  At a pool.  On the other side of town.  With one of his best friends. 

And I am absolutely thrilled for him.  I am truly excited to receive a texted picture from our sweet friends showing him smiling and having a great time.  I can’t wait to pick him up to hear all about it firsthand.

It may sound like no big deal, but for a child with allergies, little things I always took for granted can seem like big mountains to climb for him. 

Thankfully we’ve learned to work around his food allergies.  Advance preparation is always essential in finding things to send along with him.  And packing his own items allows him the opportunity to eat without worry.  He is old enough now to be trained on what is OK to consume and what is not.  So we have discussions prior to attending.  Thankfully his food issues are not life-threatening in severity.  For that, too, we are blessed.

More challenging, however, is his allergy to cold.  For a child that can break out in hives in a bathtub or from windows rolled down on a car ride, the pool can be a daunting thing.  Any activity that exposes his skin to temperatures below 70 degrees can trigger allergic reactions that not only make him miserable, but also can be potentially life-threatening.  And so as awkward as it seems, handing over an emergency kit complete with cell numbers written in Sharpie, rescue inhalers, Benadryl, and a double epi-pen are a must.  Particularly when there is water involved.  We, too, have conversations on the car ride over. 

And then someone asks, “Isn’t that scary to let your child go to a swimming party?”  “Aren’t you afraid something might happen?” 

And my answer is yes; because I am human, and as his mom I want to not only keep him from ever hurting, but I also want to put him in a bubble, as if that might protect him from any harm.    

But the Lord has shown me time and time again that I can trust Him.  The Lord has reminded me (and used others even to remind me) that He loves my children and that He holds them tighter than I ever can.  I don’t know why things happen the way that they do.  I don’t know how any particular day will look in the end, but I do know that I serve a God who is faithful and who will ultimately succeed in fulfilling His will for my life. 

Your will, Lord, not mine. 

We know that we are not to tempt God.  We are not to push ourselves to limits that we have already been shown are unwise.  When tempted in the wilderness by the enemy, Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ (Matthew 4:7; and referencing Deuteronomy 6:16)

We can even exercise wisdom by taking safety precautions.  But even the best of safety precautions don’t prevent bad things from happening.

So in cases like today, I have a choice to make.  I can let fear grip me so tightly that I refuse to let my son participate in any activity that seems even slightly questionable (and let’s be honest, I can make excuses for ANY activity)…or I can, within reason, employ all of the safety precautions we have been taught by his allergist and then give him a little space to be a kid.  A real kid.  True, a kid who has been trained to look for warning signs within his body and then told what to do in the event these things occur…but a normal kid as best he can be.  Because this is how God created him to be….and we know there is purpose.  We don’t know how it will look in the end, but we know that even if a reaction comes, God will not be absent.  Our God comforts and walks with those who seek Him. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

This is the verse my husband reminds me of when my mind wanders into all the “what-ifs”.  Because as a mom, my mind is constantly tempted to ask these questions.  Not surprisingly, my mind wanders there quicker when it comes to my children who have to live by certain restrictions (we now have three in our family).  The vast majority of the time, when I hesitate, fear is the culprit.  Fear is what stops me, freezes me in place.  And honestly, a life lived in fear doesn’t feel much like a life.  At the very least, it hinders my relationship with Christ and keeps me in a fog of believing that if I can control the circumstances, I can dictate the end result.  Although my intentions may be good, my means are not.  I have to take my thoughts and filter them through the above verse; and many times I can stop at “Do I know this to be true?”  Many of the fears I carry are not known truth.

Slowly, but surely, the Lord is softening my heart and showing me to lean on Him more fully.  Lean on His understanding, not my own. 

And cover everything in prayer.  Even (and especially) when they are soaked in tears. 

While there may be circumstances that absolutely necessitate a “No, we can’t do that/go there”, we have to somehow learn to prayerfully consider those opportunities where we can respond with a “Yes” or “Let’s try.” 

Maybe it’s not right for every family or every situation.  Maybe there actually are allergies out there that are so horrible, so severe, that to remain in hiding is appropriate.  As a believer, we are to follow where the Spirit leads.  For us, we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  We have to keep stepping in faith, doing all we can with all the wisdom provided to us, and then trusting that even in our failures, God will be there to show us where to step next. 

Is it scary?  Yes.  Is it emotional and draining?  Some days.  But we know a God who is patient and loving.  A God who formed each of us and knew us and loved us long before we ever took a step on this earth. 

This is the God we will cling to; the God we will give praise to for each new hurdle jumped.  This is the God we will submit to and fall to our knees before.  It’s a daily battle, but by Christ’s strength, fear will not rein in our hearts. 

Christ will. 

Update: In case anyone wonders how the pool party went…our son came home tired, but having enjoyed his afternoon.   At one point, he felt as if he was beginning to break out, but he communicated with the mom on duty, took two Benadryl pills with a rescue inhaler, and remained out of the pool for a while.   He also took advantage of a warm shower that was located at the facility (a few times, I think).  He did, apart from us, what he has been trained to do.  And he didn’t freak out.  God is working on him, too.  More reasons to give Praise!