Reaching Outward

I need reminders.  Often. 

Twice this week I was reminded of reaching outward when things seem to be amiss inward.  It’s easy to get caught up in personal “mountains”, big or small, and then before you know it they are magnified to the point that you are frozen.  You become consumed by them.  It’s what you think about day in and day out.  Your attitude changes.  You can’t see past your struggle.  You become stuck.

I’ve been in a self-described “funk” recently.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly how to express it, but I just felt worn out and tired.  There were days I had trouble sleeping.  I would become emotional.

I kept saying it must be from the added pressure of my oldest son’s new allergy.  He is literally allergic to cold.  And with winter quickly approaching, I find myself at times uneasy; restless.  It’s exhausting to constantly check the indoor and outdoor temperature.  I have to consistently regulate his allergy medicine and also carry emergency equipment in the event of a severe reaction.  I have to remind him to dry off quickly and completely after a shower and to not delay in dressing, because recently he reacted with hives after bathing from the cooling of water droplets on his body.  I have to stress to him why he needs to wear those gloves and hat and jacket, even if no one else at the park is covered up.  We don’t shop long in the cold sections of grocery stores anymore, that is, if I even take him with me.  We only drive with the windows down if it’s above 70 degrees (otherwise he becomes itchy).  I have to remember to remind every adult or babysitter who may care for him that any injuries have to be treated specially, because being allergic to cold means being allergic to ice packs (it’s our instinct to put ice on an injury, no?).  And I cry sometimes when I watch the weather reports.  Especially if there is a chance of snow. 

So I have been reading God’s Word and praying and asking others to pray for me.  And then as soft as a whisper…

Crystal, it’s not about YOU.

The very moment I placed my eyes on me, I took my eyes off of Christ.

This week an email circulated through my homeschooling co-op group.  A person I have yet to meet has invited others to join in on making new winter hats to be donated to a local hospital.  These hats are for cancer patients who have lost their hair due to chemotherapy treatments.  These hats are to serve as warmth; to keep out the cold.  These hats are to ease just one of the many, many burdens that a cancer patient may face while living in a mid-Atlantic state where indeed the temperatures are beginning to drop off.

I jumped at the project for two reasons.  One, what a great cause!  Two, I love to craft; and this one looked easy and like something I could really do.  Mind you I have never knitted anything in my life, but for some reason I ran to the store to get supplies.  I even took the kids to help pick out yarn.  As I sat the other night knitting a soft, warm, winter hat I realized that this project is changing me.  Somehow, this project is warming me, too.  It’s helping the coldness in my heart to be refocused.  It’s helping me to finally put my finger on what has been the source of my “funk” lately. 

I am afraid of the cold.  In fact, to even think about my son suffering, I have somehow become terrified of the cold.  Literally terrified. 

And there is that whisper again. 

See, Crystal, it’s not about you.  But I understand and still love you.  And I’m here. 

One of the best remedies for being caught up in self-pity, is to reach out to others.  Take the time to pour out love on another in need.  Christ poured out His love so that the world could be redeemed.  Through Him, can’t we joyfully pour out His love to those around us?  Wouldn't that help us finally see past our own "mountains"?

This newly presented project is becoming a family affair.  My son is also now making a hat.  In his favorite color.  Together we are pushing out the cold.  Through continued prayer and by God’s grace, we are turning the very fears of our hearts into a practical outreach and pouring of His love on those in far, far greater need. 

Most importantly, we are remembering that it’s not about US.    

Which is so worth being reminded of. 

JOY Preserved

Joy.


That’s a word I have heard time and time again in the past few days.   It’s also a timely word in my life, because I can clearly see that today there are things trying to steal my joy.  It’s a very real battle and one that I cannot face alone.  Joy is not something that always comes easily.  It can be competed for.


Like when our family faces battle after battle and we’re tired.   Yet again, my heart is burdened as one of my children is diagnosed with a rare skin allergy.   It’s our first time trying to contemplate and sort through the possible scenarios.   It’s our first time training our children on how to use an epi-pen (and my first experience with fitting one into my purse).  After many recent trials, it’s a refresher course for this Momma on the truth that we do not control our children’s destinies and although we can certainly own our part in responsibility, we cannot control or stop bad things from happening to those we love.   Boil it down….WE are not in control.


And then pile on the daily responsibilities of laundry, house cleaning, meal prepping, instructing, child disciplining, school planning, etc, etc…and well, it’s easy to see why my joy can be robbed.  I’m tired.  My head is spinning and I want to go to bed.  I probably need sleep, but quite honestly I just want to curl up in my bed and pretend that everything is OK.  I want to “veg out” and watch TV all day, allowing my mind to escape.  I want the distractions in my mind to stop and for a moment just silence.  Just quiet.  And maybe a chocolate chip cookie.  Or ten.


But I don’t operate like that.   By God’s grace ALONE, I know there is hope.   I may not be able to see past the “fog” that I find myself in from time to time, but I know there is a Savior who does.   And He is walking with me through it, navigating every step of the way.   There are times when I battle with trying to navigate by myself, but all too often, I’m knocked back on my bottom and am reminded that it’s not my ship to sail.   There is so much freedom in allowing Jesus to be the wind in my sails.   Quite surely, without Him, my ship would sink.   Forever lost.


This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10b)

The joy of the LORD is my strength!   And it can be yours, too!   It is God’s joy, but in His miraculous grace and mercy, He lavishes us with that same joy.   If we seek Him.   If we search for Jesus in the midst of our day-to-day struggles, we can still find joy.   It is a God-given gladness and it can be found when we are in a personal relationship with Him.   When we know Him.   When we strive to know Him more.   When we relinquish control and allow Him to not only steer our ship, but also to reveal more of Himself through that leading.   I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am saying it’s worth it.   Because, friends, that is where true JOY and STRENGTH come from.    They are in a relationship with Christ and they are lasting.


So yes, I believe it’s OK to cry.   It’s OK to get frustrated, flustered, and knocked down.   It’s these very emotions that remind us that we cannot do this alone.   We were not created to be self-sufficient.   We were created to bring glory and honor to the very One who made us in the first place.   It is He who loves deeply and desires to see us return to Him.   We may be tired, but we are NOT DEFEATED!   Christ died so that through Him, we may LIVE!


So where do I go when my joy is being robbed?  When I am tired?   When I feel circumstances or distractions are trying to steal my strength?   To my God; only finding renewed strength and joy when I fall to my knees and worship (I cannot create joy or lasting power, only He can).   I thank Him for loving me so much that He would send His Son to die in my place.   I thank Him for raising His Son so that I can know I, too, have hope in a resurrected life.   I tell Him my fears and my burdens and my hopes.   For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)


When I stumble, no one knows better than my Heavenly Father.   And, oh, how I need Him!   He will lift me and wipe away the tears.   He will set me back upright and remind me that He remains.   I stand in awe of His great power.   He knows the struggles of my heart before I even utter a word, yet I’m convinced that He still likes to hear me cry out to Him, imperfect babble and flounder as I may.   And He loves me.

Even if I do smell of a few chocolate chip cookies.

Movin' On Up

How do I see God working in our family?  If only I could count the many ways!

But one MAJOR way is in seeing the depth of love grown in my husband's heart.  Not only a love for his family, but a deepened love for his church and for others.  Wow.  It is a joy to see. 

Many years ago, my sweet hubby decided that he would serve with me in the nursery on Sunday mornings.  Not just one or two Sundays, but every Sunday.  Together we would take on the task of relaying Bible-based curriculum and sharing the hope and joy of Jesus to the sweetest and most precious of God's blessings...His children.

In those years, God has used this time to grow both he and I closer together in our marriage, closer to our children (of whom, we've been able to spend at least a year with each in class), and ultimately closer to HIM.  We have had both the privilege and honor to serve alongside many families that we may have otherwise never had the opportunity to.  We have come to enjoy the many personalities and just plain "fun-ness" (yes, I know that's not a real word) that come with each child who steps through the door.    

And yes, there were days we wondered why we only drink decaf.  And yes, there were days where we wondered when we might take a break.  And yes, there were days when we were grumpy...ok, more me than him, but just further proof I am still a work in progress  :)

It was time.  Time to step down.  Time to walk away.  Many asked, and we confirmed.  We needed to plug in elsewhere.  We needed to change up our routine.  Until last Sunday.

Because after weeks of seeing needs in the Children's Ministry and after last Sunday being approached to "help" maybe every now and then....my husband felt burdened.  He looked me in the eyes and I could see it.  That God-given passion for serving.  That God-honoring and God-planted seed of love....a great love for others.  And sure, you may say, "that's easy when you're talking about your church family"....but I also see it elsewhere, in the community, too.  Like when he pays for a strangers meal "just because" or he smiles and offers to assist someone, even if it means taking away from his scheduled "plan".

It makes me smile because it is NOT of me.  It is NOT of him.   It is ONLY OF CHRIST that either of us can serve and do so with joy.  Christ gave it ALL...may we follow Him in giving some. 

So with that burdened heart...it was not hard to see where my husband would be leading us next.  He felt just helping occasionally wasn't enough for us.  He felt we needed to do more.  Just as gladly as I followed him "out" of the Sunday morning nursery, I will choose to gladly follow him "back in" to the next hallway of Children's Ministry, the "Big Kid" hallway.  It was not what I expected.  But it is what I welcome.  (And seriously, it only takes one Sunday in these classes to know why we love it!)

Although we didn't see it coming (well at least so soon), we both know that our God is a God who equips.  We will continue to pray regularly that He will equip us for this next year; that we will constantly follow HIM.  We will pray that HE will be magnified and honored in this and in other areas that we may serve.  We will pray that He will bless those who walk through those doors each week and that through these children He will teach us ALL more about Himself.  We will pray that each heart comes to know Him fully. 

I can't seem to clear The Jeffersons theme song from my head.  "We're Movin' on Up"....and we're giving thanks.  So, so many things to be thankful for.