Right Where I need to be

It was Thanksgiving week and instead of loading up our van, we found ourselves at the Pediatrician’s office; with a 103 fever and a confirmed flu case.  My foot still ached from the heaviness of three weeks in an air cast boot (sounds much cooler than it is; trust me the “coolness factor” wears off within the first 48 hours) and now my heart ached for the three inconsolable children who would not get to spend their holiday at Nana and Grandpa’s house like we had planned (and already packed for). 

And just when I was ready to put my feet up and rest, too.  Truly rest.  Like kick my feet up on someone else’s couch and knit and watch football; as odd of a combination as that may seem.  I was ready to forget about chores and let our laundry pile up in a plastic bag instead of a plastic basket.  No dog hair to sweep up each morning; snuggle with my kids while watching far too much TV; I was even going to share in the meal prep instead of cooking it alone.  Oh, it was going to be so nice, I said. 

We had been for weeks purposefully trying to whittle down our schedule so that we could rest and enjoy some down time.  We wanted a reason to be “bored”; an excuse to catch up on some sleep.  But with an official quarantine and a prescription for Tamiflu was not the way we had envisioned it.  (Note: I had also casually mentioned to my husband that I needed a new pair of black boots about a week before my newly introduced foot pain earned me that afore mentioned air cast.  Lesson?  Be careful what you ask for.)

Unmet expectations.  That’s what they are.  I plan and expect that things will go as I planned.  I use sticky notes and charts and chalkboards (Oh, how I love chalkboards!) and then play out scenarios in my mind.  I envision that something will look a certain way and when it doesn’t, I must have somehow failed.  I expected a predicted outcome and it changed.  But let’s be honest.  How many things really go as originally planned?

God is good all the time.  Yes!  No doubt. 

All the time, God is good.  Absolutely. 

But do I live like I believe it in those times when things don’t go as I planned?  Do I get frustrated and grumpy and grouchy when my schedule is interrupted or changed?  Do I lash out when my expectations are not met? 

Because the truth is that I grumbled that day I left the foot and ankle specialist’s office (three weeks of a new schedule?!) and now I found myself sulking over Thanksgiving (we had worked so hard to "eat" our kitchen bare, and seriously, we were already packed to go).   

Sounds a lot like an account I’ve read before in Exodus.  Those Israelites who grumbled when God had them wandering in the desert for decades.  Sure, I was not wanting for manna or water, but when looking at hearts, was mine not as sinful in my discontentment?  My unmet expectations were trivial when compared.  I was now going to have to shoulder the Thanksgiving preparations and come up with a new impromptu plan.  I would be slow (because this boot thingy now makes me half the speed I once was), but even so, a quick trip to my local supermarket was completely possible (I had to stop by the pharmacy now for that Tamiflu anyway).  I mean, how selfish could one be?!  I had food, an overabundant amount of blessings to give thanks for, and now that uninterrupted family time we had been craving.  This could be good, no?

And while I never would wish the flu upon anyone (and especially my own little family), like Nana so sweetly reminded me…there was even blessing in the timing of it all.  How thankful we were that flu symptoms appeared hours before we took to the road (with countless other holiday-bound vehicles).  How miserable would we have been stuck in an ER in a foreign town away from all the comforts of our own home?  Plus, it was nice to know that should anyone else succumb to the aches and fever, a mere phone call and another quick trip to the pharmacy might be more possible (albeit, at my half speed).

Our Thanksgiving, though quiet, was still beyond what we deserved.  We had a humble gathering of foods on the table and three nights in a row of family movie night.  We had blankets and hot cocoa and a family round of Yahtzee.  True, we had coughs and disinfectant and around the clock medication schedules, but we also had memories and snuggles and too much TV.  I kicked my feet up on my own couch (in between laundry piles, of course) and knitted and watched football.  For three days in a row.  And it was good.  (And being caught up on laundry was certainly nice come Monday.)

So when things don’t go as I had planned, I can grumble and get frustrated, losing sight of what matters and maybe even feel sorry for myself.  Or, I can choose to see those unmet expectations as opportunities to Praise God and thank Him for having me right where I need to be.  

Right where I need to be.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

 

Father,

Please forgive me for my sulking and my childish tendencies.  Your ways are higher than my own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  And even if I don’t always understand, I know that Your plans are perfect.  I trust that no matter what my agenda may be, Yours will always be what’s best for me…because through Your plans, You are fulfilling Your will for my life.  Though I will continue to make plans daily, help me to surrender to the changes You see fit.  Like barnacles being scrubbed off of an old, tired, ship, You scrape off my crusty edges and mold me every day into more of an image of Christ.  Thank you.  Thank you for Jesus, who chose to die in my place.  Thank you for saving me and loving me so much.   Jesus is everything to me.  Your will be done, LORD, not my own (Luke 22:42).  Thank you for loving me so much that you choose not to put me always where I want to be, but instead You put me where I need to be.  Your love is like no other.  Thank you, Jesus, that You return no void.  And thank you, for the overabundance of blessings that I don’t deserve…the greatest being a life forever with You.

Amen.

A Mom's Perspective: Allergies, the Fear Factor

My 9 year old son is at a birthday party all day today.  A swimming birthday party.  At a pool.  On the other side of town.  With one of his best friends. 

And I am absolutely thrilled for him.  I am truly excited to receive a texted picture from our sweet friends showing him smiling and having a great time.  I can’t wait to pick him up to hear all about it firsthand.

It may sound like no big deal, but for a child with allergies, little things I always took for granted can seem like big mountains to climb for him. 

Thankfully we’ve learned to work around his food allergies.  Advance preparation is always essential in finding things to send along with him.  And packing his own items allows him the opportunity to eat without worry.  He is old enough now to be trained on what is OK to consume and what is not.  So we have discussions prior to attending.  Thankfully his food issues are not life-threatening in severity.  For that, too, we are blessed.

More challenging, however, is his allergy to cold.  For a child that can break out in hives in a bathtub or from windows rolled down on a car ride, the pool can be a daunting thing.  Any activity that exposes his skin to temperatures below 70 degrees can trigger allergic reactions that not only make him miserable, but also can be potentially life-threatening.  And so as awkward as it seems, handing over an emergency kit complete with cell numbers written in Sharpie, rescue inhalers, Benadryl, and a double epi-pen are a must.  Particularly when there is water involved.  We, too, have conversations on the car ride over. 

And then someone asks, “Isn’t that scary to let your child go to a swimming party?”  “Aren’t you afraid something might happen?” 

And my answer is yes; because I am human, and as his mom I want to not only keep him from ever hurting, but I also want to put him in a bubble, as if that might protect him from any harm.    

But the Lord has shown me time and time again that I can trust Him.  The Lord has reminded me (and used others even to remind me) that He loves my children and that He holds them tighter than I ever can.  I don’t know why things happen the way that they do.  I don’t know how any particular day will look in the end, but I do know that I serve a God who is faithful and who will ultimately succeed in fulfilling His will for my life. 

Your will, Lord, not mine. 

We know that we are not to tempt God.  We are not to push ourselves to limits that we have already been shown are unwise.  When tempted in the wilderness by the enemy, Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ (Matthew 4:7; and referencing Deuteronomy 6:16)

We can even exercise wisdom by taking safety precautions.  But even the best of safety precautions don’t prevent bad things from happening.

So in cases like today, I have a choice to make.  I can let fear grip me so tightly that I refuse to let my son participate in any activity that seems even slightly questionable (and let’s be honest, I can make excuses for ANY activity)…or I can, within reason, employ all of the safety precautions we have been taught by his allergist and then give him a little space to be a kid.  A real kid.  True, a kid who has been trained to look for warning signs within his body and then told what to do in the event these things occur…but a normal kid as best he can be.  Because this is how God created him to be….and we know there is purpose.  We don’t know how it will look in the end, but we know that even if a reaction comes, God will not be absent.  Our God comforts and walks with those who seek Him. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

This is the verse my husband reminds me of when my mind wanders into all the “what-ifs”.  Because as a mom, my mind is constantly tempted to ask these questions.  Not surprisingly, my mind wanders there quicker when it comes to my children who have to live by certain restrictions (we now have three in our family).  The vast majority of the time, when I hesitate, fear is the culprit.  Fear is what stops me, freezes me in place.  And honestly, a life lived in fear doesn’t feel much like a life.  At the very least, it hinders my relationship with Christ and keeps me in a fog of believing that if I can control the circumstances, I can dictate the end result.  Although my intentions may be good, my means are not.  I have to take my thoughts and filter them through the above verse; and many times I can stop at “Do I know this to be true?”  Many of the fears I carry are not known truth.

Slowly, but surely, the Lord is softening my heart and showing me to lean on Him more fully.  Lean on His understanding, not my own. 

And cover everything in prayer.  Even (and especially) when they are soaked in tears. 

While there may be circumstances that absolutely necessitate a “No, we can’t do that/go there”, we have to somehow learn to prayerfully consider those opportunities where we can respond with a “Yes” or “Let’s try.” 

Maybe it’s not right for every family or every situation.  Maybe there actually are allergies out there that are so horrible, so severe, that to remain in hiding is appropriate.  As a believer, we are to follow where the Spirit leads.  For us, we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  We have to keep stepping in faith, doing all we can with all the wisdom provided to us, and then trusting that even in our failures, God will be there to show us where to step next. 

Is it scary?  Yes.  Is it emotional and draining?  Some days.  But we know a God who is patient and loving.  A God who formed each of us and knew us and loved us long before we ever took a step on this earth. 

This is the God we will cling to; the God we will give praise to for each new hurdle jumped.  This is the God we will submit to and fall to our knees before.  It’s a daily battle, but by Christ’s strength, fear will not rein in our hearts. 

Christ will. 

Update: In case anyone wonders how the pool party went…our son came home tired, but having enjoyed his afternoon.   At one point, he felt as if he was beginning to break out, but he communicated with the mom on duty, took two Benadryl pills with a rescue inhaler, and remained out of the pool for a while.   He also took advantage of a warm shower that was located at the facility (a few times, I think).  He did, apart from us, what he has been trained to do.  And he didn’t freak out.  God is working on him, too.  More reasons to give Praise! 

Warm and Fuzzy

Almost 13 months to the day after the death of our first dog, Sierra, and we’ve gone and done it again. 

We’ve found our match.  Our “pawfect” match.

Meet Jennsen, our new puppy.  She is a rescue from a local organization.  Five months old and full of cuteness.  And our kids are in love; with the warm bundle of fuzziness that is currently stretched as far wide as she can get across our shag carpeting in the family room.

So sweet and timid.  So peaceful and calm.  And so quiet.  We still have yet to hear her bark.  She has a lot to explore and a lot to get used to in our home, but we’re excited she’s here.

 

She doesn’t replace the first dog we’ve ever owned, and she doesn’t take over the current one we still have (our 13 year old hound mix).  But she does start a new chapter for our family.  One that involves all the cute silliness that comes with owning a puppy.  The floppy ears and too big feet that flounder when she tries to pounce on a large-sized tennis ball.  The chasing and then chewing of every stick she can find (even if said stick is three times the size of her and filled with pine needles).  The curiosity that flashes in her brown eyes and also through over-active nostrils as she takes in all of the new sights and sounds around her.  There is a joyfulness about her; a giddiness that I admire.

I can’t help but to think back to my days as a Girl Scout (I did two years of Brownies).  Not because we had any projects that focused on dogs or puppies or anything of the like.  It’s that song that’s stuck in my head:

“Make new friends,

  But keep the old.

  One is silver,

  And the other is gold.

  A circle is round.

  It has no end.

  That’s how long I’m gonna be your friend.”

Welcome to the family, Jennsen!

For all the Present-Day "Floods"

Forty days and forty nights. 

That was what I always remembered.  It was how long it rained in the great flood that God brought upon the earth.  The great flood in which Noah and his family were spared; along with two of each kind of creature. 

Which is why just recently when my scheduled Bible study reading fell upon Genesis 7 and 8, I honestly thought I would just graze over it.   The story of Noah and the flood.  Oh, I know that one, right?

But how did I miss that the flood lasted on the earth for one hundred and fifty days before receding?  Or that it was many, many more months before the land was exposed?  This was a MUCH longer timeframe than I had really contemplated before.  I’m not sure how I overlooked that, but I did.

As I was drawn into the narrative again, this time I could see how Noah would have to exhibit patience as he followed God’s calling for him.  He was obedient, we see that.  He built the ark just as God instructed him, even when it meant that he was the only one working on such a project.  But he had to have been patient as well.  To be on a boat for such a long, enduring time….and of course with all of those creatures (and the smells that emit from many of them!)…with only his family to keep company…well, yes, I would gather that Noah was a very patient man indeed. 

And here I live in the midst of a world that travels far too fast to keep up.  A world where at the surface, many of us are flying by at warp speed.  In fact, the very nature of our current culture is to see who can attain more in a lesser amount of time.  Patience is not a worldly value (it’s a fruit of the Spirit).  And in my failings, I find myself becoming frustrated at times when I am asked to wait.  Even when I don’t mind waiting, my second thought immediately flies to “for how long do I need to wait”? 

And there’s often no clear answer to that.  How long do I have to wait, LORD?  How long must I sit still? 

It is typically in those stressful times.  You know, the long, drawn-out struggles that threaten to wear one down.  It’s the piling up of one thing after another.  It’s in those moments of stress and struggle that I wonder, “how long”.  I can’t remember a time when I asked “how long” in the middle of great joy or celebration.  I’m sure it’s possible in those instances, too, but for me it’s mainly when I become uncomfortable.  I’m looking to see how long must I squirm? 

And after re-reading Genesis 7 and 8, I think the answer is, “however long it takes”. 

Noah had to wait for however long it took for God to dry the earth again.  He had to wait for however long it took for God’s plan to unfold.  Even the largest blow dryer in all the land would not speed the process (yes, that is a silly thought, I know).  Noah could not make it go faster.  He had to sit and wait and rest in God’s perfect timing.  And don’t miss that God never left in Noah’s waiting.  In fact, the opposite is true.  God remembered Noah and was still at work drying the flood waters.  Even while Noah sat. 

So for me, too, I can rest in God’s perfect timing.  And when I am squirming and most uncomfortable I can rest in knowing that He is working.  He has not left me.  He has not abandoned the plans He holds for me (or for my family).  My ark has not sunk.  Most importantly, He has not given more than I can bear up under Him for.  There is nothing too weighty for Him.  Yes, too weighty for me because I am weak…but by His grace and His Holy Spirit within me, I won’t break.  It is because of my weakness that He will receive the glory.  I cannot do it without him.  I cannot walk without His leading. 

So in those burdens that I so badly want lifted, I will choose to wait.  For however long it takes to bring Him glory.  For however long it takes for His will to be done.  For however long He deems necessary to accomplish his goals for my life. 

Maybe it’s seconds or minutes or hours.  Maybe it’s days or weeks or years.  Maybe it’s a whole lifetime of squirming on this earth.  God is sharpening me.  He is knocking off my rough edges and making me look more like the person He created me to be.  He is unfolding His plan for my life, and through that, receiving the glory and honor that only He deserves.  He is not standing by watching, but I believe He is actively working, both in me and through me.  So as the battles come and I find myself impatient, I can realize that that’s my old self creeping back in.  That’s the old me that fears change and craves comfort.  The new creation in Christ (the reborn me) can cling to the Father, and like Noah did, wait.  I can trust in the One who sees the whole picture.  I can trust in my loving Father and then choose to joyfully submit and say, “I will wait.”

“For however long it takes, LORD.  For however long it takes.”


 

Filtered

In America, we filter our water.  We filter the air that we breathe.  We even filter the words that make it to our ears, thanks to the ten-second delay on live TV.  And many of us who have children in our homes, we filter websites and the Internet for those using technology (and rightly so).

 

But what if we filtered our thoughts? 

 

What if every time a fear or an anxious thought crept in, we stopped and filtered it.  What if every time we became nervous or uneasy about something, we paused and let those moments sift through a strainer; a strainer that would remove the impurities that don’t need to fester within our minds. 

God’s Word tells us:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

If these truths were the filter we let our thoughts pour through, oh how better off we would be!  God knows our hearts and He knows our minds.  He knows how we get tempted and how we fall short.  He knows how sin often begins as a simple thought.  But He reminds us to be aware of our thoughts and to filter them by His standards.  Fears and anxiety tend to melt away when we stop and focus on what is true and right and pure. 

 

What if we filtered our words? 

 

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. (2 Corinthians 13:11)

The old “sticks and stones” saying is rubbish.  Words hurt.  Period.  What if we took the time to think through our words before we let them fly from our lips?  What if we stopped and prayed and then let those words be filtered by God’s Holy Spirit?  In many cases, fewer words are better.  For myself, I get into more trouble the more I talk.  I’m certainly guilty of not letting my words be filtered!  I say regularly to my children, “Choose your words wisely.  Are you honoring Christ with your words?  Remember that words cut like swords and they can hurt.  And it’s not always just what you say, but also how you say it.”  My challenge is to be a leader by living this out in front of them.  My challenge is to seek God daily, asking Him to fill me with His words; that they might also permeate my speech.  God reminds us that we are to encourage one another, lift one another up.  Sending those verbal expressions through God’s filter is a great place to start.

 For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.  He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5: 9 -11)

 

What if we filtered our lives and guarded our minds and our hearts, paying more attention to what we fill ourselves with? 

 

Through prayer we can ask God to show us the areas of our life that need to be filtered.  Maybe there’s a distraction that keeps us from Him.  Maybe there is a blocking somewhere that dims His light, making it harder for others to see Him in us.  For me, it’s distractions of my computer or my cell phone.  God no doubt shines brighter for the three little disciples-in-the-making in my home when I am convicted to step away from the computer (or refuse to get sucked in).  Or if I temporarily “lose” my phone.   Their lights shine brighter, too, when I walk away from my distractions and remind them that each and every moment is given.  And I don’t want those moments to be squandered or dictated by distractions.  I want them to be filled with worship and love and family.  So I will consciously choose to fill our day with Scripture and praise songs and wholesome (fill in the blank with your choosing)…not because I am trying to be a “rule keeper” or lead some ideal of what I think a Christian should look like, but because when I saturate my life with God’s teachings, I find true joy, peace, and laughter.  He is my source.  And I see Him more clearly when I filter out what the world throws at me.

 

And so you’ve read this far and maybe you’re thinking…..yeah, it sounds nice, but I’m not sure I can get there.  I get that.  Because Monday happens and the dog pukes repeatedly behind your bed (and just out of arms reach), no one is enjoying the meal you just spent two hours preparing, and your whole family gets quarantined with the FLU.  Your thoughts are flying all over the place, your words are not joyful (and at times ugly and harsh), and quite frankly the only thing you’re ready to fill yourself with is anything that will help you escape.  Even if only briefly.  

 

Oh, loved one, let God fill you!  Pray and ask for guidance.  We are not enough.  When left to ourselves, we fester with all kinds of impure, selfish thoughts and words.   Let Him be your filter!   Pour over God’s truths; finding encouragement in the Bible, and ultimately finding perfect example in Christ.  And then remember that you alone will never be perfect on this earth, you’re going to stumble and trip and fail; and that’s OK!   Stop and listen.  Search and seek.  Pause.   And then ask our Heavenly Father to help remove those tainted areas that rob of His joy and everlasting peace.  Ask His Holy Spirit to help be the filter needed to separate out the ugly and bring Him the glory and praise and honor that He rightly deserves (through our thoughts, by our words, and in our lives).  And be reminded we are all a work in progress, not an overnight fix.  These are ongoing challenges.  But by His grace, you can persevere! 

 

And if you will, please excuse me, while I quietly read these written words over and over again….as I am most clearly incriminating and speaking to myself here.  

 

Father, please show me the areas of my life that remain unfiltered.  Help me to humbly surrender those to you, knowing that only you can take my life and mold it into something that reflects your Son, our Savior and King, Jesus Christ.  I am a work in progress.  Use me boldly for your Kingdom.  And if “filtering” helps me to reflect you more in my walk, then please provide me the tools necessary and the humility to actually use them.  In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.